||You have absolutely no idea where
your shoes are.
||You've just had to get someone to
help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.
||You suddenly decide you want
to kick someone's ass.
||In your last trip to
"pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker
than the goddess you were just four hours ago.
||You drop your 3:00 a.m. burrito on
the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.
||You start crying.
||There are less than three hours
before you're due to start work.
||You've found a deeper side to the
||The man you're flirting with used
to be your 5th grade teacher.
||The urge to take off articles of
clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.
||You've forgotten where you live.
||You've started to sound like
Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've
mentioned like 10x's by now) you only smoke when you drink.
||You yell at the bartender, who
(you think) cheated you by giving you just tonic, but that's just
because you can no longer taste the gin or
||You think you're in bed, but your
pillow feels strangely like pizza.
||You start every conversation with
a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."
||You fail to notice that the toilet
lid's down when you sit on it.
||Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble
wrestling take-down moves.
||You're tired so you just sit on
the floor (and why not!).
||You show your friends that girls
can pee standing up if they really want to
||You tell everyone how much you
love them, including your boss.