JOKES PAGE

 

 

> Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"
Jon Stewart

 

The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates a draft we can all declare homosexuality instead of running off to Canada. 

Lorne Bloch

 

 

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. 

From the tombstone of a gay Vietnam veteran

 

 

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.

Lynn Lavner

 

 

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I'm giving them my share.  

Rita Mae Brown

 

 

Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons.  

Letter to the editor, The Advocate

 

 

You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.  

Barry Goldwater

 

 

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer."

Robin Tyler

 

 

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?

Ernest Gaines

 

 

War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is  protesting?

The Value of Families

 

 

I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

Charles Pierce, 1980

 

 

That word "lesbian" sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they're sure that they're the cure.

Denise McCanles

 

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.  

Dennis Miller

 

 

Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole.
Judy Carter

 

 

My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
W. Somerset Maugham

 

 

Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't. 

Author Unknown

 

 

I am reminded of a colleague who reiterated "all my homosexual patients are quite sick" - to which I finally replied "so are all my heterosexual patients."

  Ernest van den Haag, psychotherapist

 

 

No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step. 

Author Unknown

 

 

People who can't think of anything else but whether the person you love is indented or convex should be doomed not to think of anything else but that, and so miss the other ninety-five percent of life.

Robert Towne

 

 

It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain.

Francis Maude

 

 

The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.

Rita Mae Brown

 

 

'You could move.'  ~Abigail Van Buren, "Dear Abby," in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood.

 

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