- December 15 - 20 inches
forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the
wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood
stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in
Alaska, after all.
-
- December
16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I
think was very cruel.
-
- December 17 - Still way
below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for
5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a
wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I
can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
-
- December 20 -
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last
night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried
to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing
hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to
see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the
city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
-
- December
22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the
white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole
is lying.
-
- December 23 - Only
2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she: nuts!!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
she's lying.
-
- December
24 - 6." Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought
I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives
that snow plow I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to
death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the
wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
-
- December 25 - Merry
f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight. Snowed in. The
idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the
snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head
with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a
fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
-
- December
26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
-
- December
27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came! after
14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400 to replace all my
pipes.
-
- December
28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me
crazy!!!
-
- December
29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave
in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
-
- December 30 - Roof
caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me for a million
dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9"
predicted.
